I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
