just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
