I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
