So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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