She announced her abortion via fbk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
