Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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