mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
