I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
