Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
