So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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