Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
