I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
