Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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