I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
