whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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