Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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