Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
