that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
