Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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