I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
