dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
