you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
