The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
