hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
