Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
