someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You took a bar mat shot.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
