for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
