She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
