its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
