Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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