This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he fucked my hip out of place.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
