chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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