if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
