Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
