at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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