3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
