So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
