dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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