I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
