their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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