I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
