you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
