So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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