I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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