At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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