Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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