Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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