Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
