u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
