I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
