I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
