is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
