Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
