it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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