I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
